To be a successful drug addict you have to be a convincing liar. I mean, all addicts are liars to at least some degree, it’s practically an identity requirement. In order to be good at something it requires practice, and I took that seriously.
There were several times that I was asked, what did I have for lunch? What movie did I go see? Who was I hanging out with? All of these questions had real, valid answers. I chose to hone my lying skills rather than answer honestly. If I had pizza for lunch, I would tell you I ate sushi, and it was terrible. I would lie about completely inconsequential things, where telling the truth would have sufficed. It wasn’t lying to cover up, it was lying to practice.
In addiction you have to be able to lie so well that you even believe it yourself. To be totally transparent, there are some stories that I told friends back in my addiction, that are retold to me now; and I couldn’t honestly tell you if those things really happened or not. It’s not that I was in such a drug induced haze that I can’t recall, it’s because I used to lie so often, and believe my own lies, that I can’t determine what was reality or not back then.
Being an addict is more difficult than any full-time job I’ve ever held. Those that come out on the other side, with the right motivation, can out-work and out-perform just about anyone else.
That drive and dedication in the addict is not bad, it’s just being applied towards the wrong thing.
The good news is that you can keep that drive, and that dedication, and focus it towards something positive for your recovery.